Please note images have since expired from this article.
Before we start, let’s ponder the photos above. You may notice that Denise, who ultimately won the show of course, is looking younger in her Channel 5 photograph than her official ITV Loose Women one. Not that we’re suggesting she’s been touched up… much.
Day 16 highlights
Housemates woke up on the morning of the third eviction. Some of them were feeling the pressure. The Twins told Denise that she growled in her sleep. After making tea, Denise returned to the bedroom. She told Natalie that Michael is in a “weird mood.”
In the kitchen Michael prepared breakfast while running commentary; “Watch Michael crack an egg. Today, Michael is one year older; he has aged one year during the night.”
Later Nicola and Natalie were in the kitchen talking about Denise. Nicola confessed to being “worried,” that Denise could have jeopardised her public image while in the house. Natalie agreed and says that Denise has a great job, and asked rhetorically: “Would I have done this if I had Loose Women?”
Natalie and Kirk are in the garden. “It’s not about looks in this house, it’s about personality,” Natalie says while discussing The twits known as the Playboy Twins.
Housemates gathered on the sofa for the results of this week’s eviction. There are mixtures of boos and cheers from the crowd as Big Brother host Brian mentions each housemates. Kirk was the fourth celebrity to be evicted. Earlier in the diary room Kirk told Big Brother that he had “learned so much” about himself. “I’ve been flirting, cleaning, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, there’s nothing left of me to give.”
Well there wasn’t an awful lot to start with was there dear? In the second eviction a shock departure as cuddly Natalie was the fifth housemate to leave the Big Brother house. Earlier in the diary room Natalie told Big Brother, “I’ve made some great friends, it’s been heaven and hell all rolled into one. It’s been a great learning curve, I’m honoured that you wanted me to be in the house,”
Reject Frankie said of Natalie she was “One of the nicest girls I’ve ever met in my life.” In the living area The bimbo twins were unsure why they were saved first despite the amount of boos they received, “everyone wants us out.” Nicola reminds them that names are announced in no particular order.
Denise and Nicola were talking in the kitchen, trying to figure out Natalie’s departure. “She’s like me, you have to meet her before you like her,” Nicola adds. “We should get through this last week and not fall out with anyone,” advises Denise. Nicola asks Denise who she will nominate and Denise names Michael and The Twins. Nicola agrees.
Later in the day Denise was hysterical in the living room and rushed off into the garden crying. Frankie and Gareth try to comfort her as she rants: “I don’t understand it; how can Natalie and Kirk not be here and he is….how can the British public have possibly have voted for him, it’s so unfair!”
Day 17 Highlights
Gareth and Michael were in the gym, talking about the twins. Michael says that the girls believe they are “untouchable” following Kirk and Natalie’s evictions. Karissa and Kristina were in the garden discussing future possible nominations. They agree to be cautious of Nicola despite their new found friendship, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” Karissa adds.
Denise was in the diary room. Big Brother revealed that she was to lead an elaborate hoax to fool three of the most “gullible” housemates. After a short deliberation Denise revealed she would love to pick Michael “to be sucked in to believing he was big in Japan,” but eventually chose Gareth, Romeo and The Twins.
Housemates were gathered on the sofa to watch footage of SuperChat the fake Japanese chat show. The TV screen showed a montage of Japanese fans waving posters of them. Big Brother announces that the housemates who have made the biggest impression with Japanese fans of the show are Denise, Gareth, Romeo and The Twins. They are told that they will be filmed for a live broadcast. “Have they spoken with our representatives? We can’t just go in there…” Karissa worries.
Romeo felt the show may be fake, “But I’ll go along with it,” he said. Big Brother called the participating housemate to the diary room. Meanwhile Frankie and Nicola laughed about The Twins’ reaction. “We need to talk to our reps,” mimics Nicola while Frankie mimics, “If I ain’t getting paid, I ain’t doing it.”
Michael was sceptical about the show adding, “I think the whole thing is a hoax.”
The SuperChat housemates were in the diary room. Michael, Frankie and Nicola are in the living area and notice a message on the TV screen. Big Brother reveals that Denise is on a secret task; SuperChat is a fake show and housemates must go along with the ruse to convince Gareth, Romeo and The Twins that it’s real.
Later the housemates arrived at the SuperChat studio and the show began. Denise was first onto the sofa. “You like to get out the boobies,” host Daijiro begins. Denise then flashes her bra. “You and Michael are like a married couple,” he says and Michael smirks while watching from the audience.
Gareth is the next guest. He takes part in a dance, dressed as a piece of sushi. Later in the diary room Denise confessed that she was in awe of Gareth’s “commitment” to please his faux fans. Michael also spoke to Big Brother and said he was embarrassed for Gareth, “I just wanted to rip that thing (costume) off him,” he added.
3:52pm in the UK and 12:52am in Tokyo. Romeo was the next show guest. Host Daijiro presents him with the Romeo Ramen Noodle dish which he claims is a hit in Japan. A fish head sits on top of the noodles and Romeo eats the noodles. Nicola retches in the audience. Later in the diary room, Denise tells Big Brother that she is proud of Romeo’s efforts. The hoax works and the housemates are given a Karaoke party.
The Playboy horrors Kristina and Karissa were heard plotting in the bathroom toilet. We hear them try to work out which housemates will nominate them. They agree that “Gareth will be the breaking point for them,” and say that they expect to go.
Day 18 highlights
The terror twins and Nicola were bonding in the living area and are talking about the loves in their life. “I was engaged to my first boyfriend, lived with my second and married my third,” Nicola said. In the garden, Denise told Frankie how she has been feeling, admitting that she’d been on the verge of losing her temper.
Big Brother started playing music into the house and the girls started screaming with excitement. Denise, Nicola, Kristina and Karissa danced on the sofas along to the song, Girls just wanna have fun. Denise and Kristina flash their bras and lift their tops up. Denise then pulls down the top of Karissa’s pyjama bottoms. Karissa jumps off the sofa and says “I don’t know if I’m okay with that right now,” and continues “I wasn’t okay with that, what do I do?” Denise immediately apologises for any offence caused and Karissa says “I’ll forgive you tomorrow but I’m f**king p*ssed. Don’t f**kin talk to me right now” she tells Denise before walking out to the garden, calling Denise a “bitch.”
In the garden, Karissa told Romeo what had just happened: “She knows I’m a reserved person,” she starts “everything was cool until she pulled my pants down“. Reserved? Hilarious! I’ve a million other words for those two and reserved nor celebrity fits either of them.
In the diary room, Karissa said “Big Brother, I’m pissed off. Everything was cool and then Denise decides to pull down my pants. I’m ready to leave, I wanna go home. I don’t flash my tits or my ass, I feel disrespected. I’m going to sue you guys.”
Meanwhile, in the living area Denise talked over the event with Kristina and quite rightly said “you get your tits out for a living!” and Kristina corrects “for a magazine.” Which clearly makes all the difference. Classy twins they are seemingly not.
Day 19 Highlights
The aftermath of a heated night in the Big Brother house. Denise was already contemplating the previous night in the garden. She went to the diary room to talk over last night’s events with Big Brother and says that she was just “larking about.” “I did what I would do with my friends at a jokey party,” she says “I apologised and then Nicola muscled in.” She starts to cry and says “I’m just dreading this day and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Reject Frankie was in a bad mood in the diary room. “I’m not going to talk to the twins at all” he told Big Brother. “I don’t like holding grudges but no chance do I want to talk to those girls again” he says and holds his head in his hands. Respect to reject Frankie. He might not be famous be he’s seemingly decent enough…
The men of the house were in the living area looking at the housemate portraits on the wall. Michael asked if reject Frankie would put any of the housemate pictures up in his house. “Not Andrew Stone” he joked.
Karissa says of Denise that: “To me she’s toxic. When I leave here, there’s nothing between us.” Kettle and pot love, kettle and pot. Fellow two-faced twin Kristina went to the diary room to tell Big Brother how she felt about reject Frankie, “He’s got the hugest crush on us, obviously he wants to bang us,” she said before adding, “he’s disgusting.” They later think so much of themselves that they felt they could win the show.
Dishy Gareth, naughty Nicola and dirty Denise were speculating on how the public may be have been voting. Nicola says that due to the characters in the house it makes a good reality show.
Day 20 Highlights
Michael and reject Frankie were in the garden. They talked about memorabilia from Michael’s films and what he gets to keep. I’m beside myself with interest in this highly interesting debate. It’s almost like a revival of Channel 4’s Collectors’ Lot.
Debate continues later with the housemates discussing surgery and circumcision. The troublesome twins of Playboy fame tell the listening housemates that it is normal for men to be circumcised in America. Reject Frankie and Hunky Gareth say that in the UK it is not so common and mainly done for medical or religious reasons.
In the bedroom, Michael observes what many Loose Women viewers have noticed, saying that when a subject comes up, Denise’s association with the subject suddenly becomes the most important thing. Such self-indulgence makes him want to leave the room.
Day 21 Highlights
Reject Frankie refused to get out of bed despite Big Brother calling him to the Diary Room. Later when he finally entered the room Big Brother punished him for breaking the house rules and not coming to the Diary Room when asked. He was given a blackboard and chalk and told to write lines: “I must report to the Diary Room when Big Brother asks.” At first he refused but when Big Brother told him that all other housemates would be punished, he started writing again. After 5 lines he became bored instead drew a penis on the board while laughing.
Romeo was in the bathroom doing his daily moisturising routine. In the bedroom, Nicola was trying on dresses ahead of the evening eviction. It’s like watching a bargain basement shopping channel.
The boys are in the hot tub, reject Frankie comments that the twins aren’t all what they seem: “I think they look terrible without makeup,” he says before jokingly imitating that the girls have goofy teeth and “weird lips.”
The housemates gathered for the eviction. Brian Dowling announces that Nicola had been evicted. Later the tragic twins, of lopping their tits out fame, were speculating on the sofas. “Imagine if it’s just me and you in a house full of boys,” one of the twits said.
The next voted out was Romeo, the housemates all seemed shocked. Later life returns to normal, boring that is, as reject Frankie made a midnight snack and told Denise how he poured chocolate spread into his coco pops to make the ultimate treat. That’ll explain his expanding waistline.
Day 22 Highlights
The final five housemates woke up to their last day in the Big Brother house. Michael started the day by imitating Big Brother’s voice and then joined Gareth for a work out in the gym.
Later Michael told Big Brother, “if you hear an explosion or something like a renade, it’s probably my nuts.”
The twins showed off their domestic side as they spent the afternoon cleaning the living area. Throughout the day, the five celebrity finalists had been voting in seven categories for the winners of their Celebrity Big Brother 2012 Awards. The awards ceremony got into full swing, with the housemates gathering on the sofa to await the results.
The award for Best Hair was given to Reject Frankie Gareth said of the moptop that “Frankie’s style’s a crow’s nest on top of his head and it still looks good.”
Showing they may have a nice side under all the bitter and twisted appearance, the playboy tit-showing-twin said “it looks like Frankie killed a possum, dragged it through the forest and glued it to his head.”
Sexist Housemate was given to Romeo. Denise noted that he was “beautiful to look at”. Miffed that they didn’t win, the playboy twits took the award on Romeo’s behalf.
Reject Frankie also won Most Irritating Housemate. He was issued the the gong for his habit of farting into a cup and wafting it around the room. The twins moan that “he always talks about wanking.”
The Best Housemate was won by both Hunky Gareth and Nice Natalie.
The housemates are prepared for bed on what was their last night in the Big Brother house. Michael and Denise spoke of their Big Brother experience with the actor admitting, “it didn’t get easier, it got worse” and said that he didn’t expect the experience to be what it has been. The Loose Women personality added that it had been a huge “learning curve.”
Celebrity Big Brother Final Highligh
The best bit for us was the last part of the fake Japanese show. The Twins were the final SuperChat guests. They reluctantly agreed to try some Japanese beauty treatments. Karissa was first and had a face mask applied. Diajiro reveals that the face mask contained “monkey droppings.” Karissa became hysterical while Denise and the other housemates reassure her from the audience. Then, Kristina agreed to try a traditional pedicure. Like her sister is soon hysterical after realising it contained prawn, eel and octopus. She jumped all over the sofa before eventually giving in.
Later in the diary room, Frankie said it was “absolutely brilliant” seeing Karissa with poo on her face. Yes it certainly was wonderful to see the two horrors get something they utterly deserve – humiliation.
Winners and Losers
Kristina and Karissa Shannon, the hideous twins, finished in fifth place being the first housemate to be evicted from the final. Rightly so the pair left to a chorus of boos from the crowd.
Hollywood star Michael Madsen came fourth, former rugby player Gareth Thomas came in third place with reject Frankie, thanks no doubt flashing his bum and cock to the nation, came in second.
Loose Woman Denise Welch won the show, and it was at least nice that one of the few people who could be classed as a ‘celebrity’ from this series actually won it.